how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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