why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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