Welp...herpes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
