My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
