Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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