You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize