He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
