eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
