He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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