I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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