so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
