Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital

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(801): View more from Utah

Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".

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(480): View more from Arizona

i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend

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(352): View more from Florida

Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.

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(425): View more from Washington

I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.

(1-425): View more from Washington

No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.

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(703): View more from Virginia

After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.

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(510): View more from California

Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment

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(678): View more from Georgia

If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.

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