is your mom at the bar?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
