Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
