No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
