Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
