I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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