if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
