my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
