mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
