Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
two words: eviction party
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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