Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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