Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
