im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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