put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
