I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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