But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
