I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
