His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
