I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
