I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We're too hungover to prance.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
