I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
