Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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