I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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