there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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