...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
