Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
