Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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