So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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