I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
