things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize