I don't think brook has ever known best
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
