I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
