Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
