he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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