the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
