His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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