You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
