you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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