Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
