i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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