Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
