I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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