piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
