I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
