i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
