My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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