Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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