She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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