I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
