Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
