It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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