The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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