literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
