we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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