I accidentally had phone sex last night
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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