dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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