We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
