I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
