I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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