this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
