no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Life is so much better after having sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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