I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize