You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
