wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
