THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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