a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
