just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
