Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dick very happy bro
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
