So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
