hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
