Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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