can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
