he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
