Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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