fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
