i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
