Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
