I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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