Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
