omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
