His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
