nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
