I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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