I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
