I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
